This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
