coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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