I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
