yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
