My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
