Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize