you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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