If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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