I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
