I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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