I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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