We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
