you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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