Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
