Whod you bang
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
