Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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