the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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