We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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