I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
