He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
