You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My nipple is on Facebook.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
