I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
