it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
