I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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