I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
