I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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