youre lurking in front of me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
