Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
