if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
