So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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