My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
