seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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