Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
