she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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