Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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