i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
