He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
