I'm really into asian looking animals
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
