He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize