You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
