Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can't special order awesome
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
