I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I touched a dick in church today
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
