Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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