just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
