drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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