and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
