i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
