I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
