8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
