Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
