If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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