Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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