I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
