How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
