There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
