That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like eating out sand paper
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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