Yo dont text me then not text me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
