I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
