Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
