Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
