He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
