dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize