I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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