mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize