On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
