Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
