this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sobbing to NWA
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
