apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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