Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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