i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
