The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
