I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
3 2 1 whiskey
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
