trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
