just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize