M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
