She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
