I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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