The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
